Corbyn to lead exodus of migrants

Standing on top of a barricade in Parliament Square, new Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has set out his party’s plan to deal with the vast number of migrants currently held up Calais.

In a surprise move, Mr Corbyn proposed that he will “personally travel to Calais to sort this mess out.” Once there, the veteran left-winger hopes to “set up a few grassroots movements and organise a couple of demonstrations. Might as well make a holiday out of it, y’know?”

As soon as the Labour leader has gained the trust of the refugees, he plans “to occupy the beaches of Calais, raise [his] arms to the sky, and part the sea like Comrade Moses before us.”

Despite the evident simplicity of Mr Corbyn’s plan, it has already been met with some criticism. Chancellor George Osbourne labelled Corbyn’s proposal as “economically short-sighted”, while former Prime Minister Tony Blair commented that “Jeremy is wasting his time in Calais and should head over to Iraq instead.”

In other news, Nick Clegg has passed his Driving Theory Test.

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