According to various news sources, it appears that the entire of the UK Press has decided to resign.
Speaking on behalf of every political commentator and journalist in the United Kingdom, Guardian editor Dan Adams announced that “we’re all going to resign at the end of the week.”
When asked about the causes behind this mass resignation, Adams explained that “as an industry, we’ve done some fantastic work; and we just don’t think it can be topped. We therefore decided we might as well all quit.”
Mr Adams added that an example of their ‘fantastic work’ had been the UK Press’ recent coverage of the rise of Eurosceptisim in Britain and Greece.
“We realised that describing the possibility of certain countries leaving the EU could be a bit of mouthful, so we came up with some real game changers. For example, when referring to Euroscepticism in Greece, we created the word ‘Grexit’. Rather ingeniously, we invented this new term by merging the words ‘Greece’ and ‘exit’ together. Pretty innovative stuff, eh? When the debate came to Britain, we simply did the same thing, and soon the word ‘Brexit’ became a worldwide phenomenon. This was some superb journalism that clearly can’t be surpassed.”
Adams went on to admit that he had originally thought “this mass resignation wouldn’t be necessary. We thought that it might be possible to even improve our innovative word-merging technique. In an ideal world, we were hoping that the Serbian government would start debating whether to leave the EU so we could coin the phrase ‘Sexit’, which would be both informative and amusing. Unfortunately, we were dismayed to realise that Serbia isn’t actually in the EU, so ‘Sexit’ would probably never need to be used. With this is mind, we thought we might as well quit while we were ahead!”
In other news, broadcaster Al Jazeera has renamed itself ‘Caitlyn Jazeera’.