In a video blog released last night, ISIL leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi appealed to teenagers in the UK to think about spending a year training with the caliphate.
Mr al-Baghdadi (who referred to himself as ‘Mr al-Big Daddy’ throughout the video) attempted to familiarise himself with the UK’s youth by alluding to their tendency to take a gap year between leaving school and going to university.
“It is clear that you westerners have an innate enthusiasm for travelling the world once leaving the confines of your imperialistic system of education. I myself spent a few years travelling around Cambodia when I was your age.”
It soon became evident that he hoped to attract British eighteen-year-olds to spend a year in the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant. He emphasised the similar experiences that ISIL could offer when compared with more traditional gap year destinations.
“A quick look on Facebook – yes, we have that here! – revealed to me that you infidels love volunteering in far-flung, understaffed orphanages. You’re so cute! Here in ISIS, we are constantly bombing and rebuilding hundreds of orphanages that are just waiting to be uploaded onto your Instagram feeds! We’re also dedicated to creating historical ruins to be marvelled at, and by Summer 2016, hope to expand into the stunning beaches of Northern Africa!”
Before ending his video, Abu Bakr stressed that “ISIL’s ‘vigilantly monitored’ no-fly zone also means that a gap year in ISIL would be environmentally sustainable.”
In other news, Richard Hammond just Googled himself.