In a tumultuous press conference this morning, Green Party leader Natalie Bennett announced a radical change to her party’s election strategy: that it will stop campaigning altogether.
Bennett reasserted her party’s stance that “we should be doing everything to mitigate the impact of climate change”, before proposing the Green’s most drastic election tactic to date.
“It is with great pride that, from now until May 7th, the Green Party will be adopting an environmentally sustainable approach to its campaigning.” When asked to clarify what this would mean for the Green Party’s campaign, Bennett enthusiastically responded that “well, we’ve come to realise that wandering around aimlessly trying to win votes is a real waste of energy – something which we absolutely deplore. Here in the UK, we waste approximately lots and lots of kilograms of energy every year, and the Green Party wants to do its utmost to stop this. Therefore, the only logical approach for us to take is to stop campaigning altogether.”
When asked if she thought this would be a risky strategy to adopt, Bennett staunchly replied that “You’ve got to see things from a wider perspective: polar bears take risks everyday and I want do the same.” She refused to elaborate any further.
In other news, UKIP leader Nigel Farage has confirmed that his party’s proposed Australian-style points system to curb immigration will include barring all Australians from the country.