KIM JONG-UN ANNOUNCES VACATION PLANS:

Kim Jong-Un announced this morning that he plans to take week-long break from his administrative duties. The self-proclaimed ‘North Korean Mother Theresa’ has declared that ‘being the bad boy of global politics has left [him] utterly exhausted.’

His statement, communicated via his YouTube channel, has sparked debate over where his holiday destination could be. Ladbrokes is backing Chechnya as the favourite, with £1 returning 5 million Pyongyang dollars. However, a document leaked by a source close to Kim suggests that North Korea’s leader might be headed to the UK. It is well-known fact that Kim’s father often frequented England’s most luxurious holiday resort, Butlins. Pundits claim that this could be a realistic plan, owing to Kim’s predilection to rain, scousers and most importantly: chlamydia.

In other news, Nick Clegg has learned to whistle.

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